The issue with England is that it doesn't know what it was, what it is and what it wants to be. It's no one's fault directly. It's a complicated narrative a nation has been telling itself since 1066, probably even before. 

Every country has its false narratives, fairytales and delusions that create a so called national story. England is no exception. In fact, it’s a master of self deceit by painting a fantastical story about itself and its role in the world. It’s both sweet and infuriating to be a witness of this epic manipulation of reality, which continues to baffle those who dare to think. Albanians are also guilty of grand self delusions but no one compares to the great period costume drama that is England. 

my metamorphosis

I came to the UK as a sworn Anglophile.... I had studied English language and literature in Kosovo and came here with big dreams and hopes. I thought I was coming to the most special country in the world and I probably still think that. I knew its history better than that of 'my own' country.  I came over with an elaborate fantasy in my head. I integrated quite easily. Nothing seemed strange or foreign. I cried for England at every World Cup when 'we' got kicked out. 

28 years later, I am on the verge of resenting England. Not the country itself but what has been done to her. It feels like 12 years of Tory rule have destroyed England’s soul and heart. It is v difficult for me to be in this positiin. It feels like falling out of love; like realising you need split up with someone, which usually feelslike cutting your arm or leg off, even if you both know it has to happen. It is heartbreaking to have this overwhelming feeling of disappointment, frustration and shame. I consider myself British, as mad as it sounds! I now have this enormous pressure within to leave. Something has snapped and I’m still trying to understand what. All I know is that It is not a healthy environment for my mental and emotional well-being. I will try to explain my time here (longer than anywhere else). The fact that I witnessed the disintegration of one country doesn’t help. The parallels are both depressing and frightening. Once burnt, twice shy, they say. 

Dec 2022

Sorry England, I don't think I'll wait 60 years... 

empire

The wretched and relatively short lived empire is an indispensable component of the English psyche. It started with plundering and piracy on Spanish ships; the pirates and plunderers had full royal approval and consent. It was a cowardly start. It culminated with slavery and drug dealing that was official British policy for two centuries at least. It ended ingloriously and shamefully at the Suez Canal, rendering England a dutiful US puppy, which has been the case ever since. 

However, it still lives in people's heads. Its presence is very subtle but it's there. The national narrative that the English tell themselves is one of a benevolent and civilised Empire with a mission to change the world. It is kept alive with endless period costume dramas, which are devoured by the populace, wistful of a time when Britannia ruled the waves. 

Instead of causing shame and calling for self reflection and reexamination, the dead empire that no one mentions is a source of bizarre pride and prejudice towards anything and anyone. Even towards each other. This view is both comical and tragic. It is not intentional either. It’s a belief that that’s has deep roots it is even if no one ever says it. Explaining the relationship English people have with the Empire to a foreigner is one of the trickiest things as you will never see because the whole thing is so subtle, passive, lurking behind… but you know it’s there. The problem with so called patriotism is that it makes people be proud of something they had nothing to do with or achieved personally. It’s a tawdry manipulation of people’s minds, putting all kinds of imaginary wedges between all kinds of people who are not like you. All nations are guilty of this. In some countries, nationalism  can be  aggressive and/or unpleasant or even bloody, whereas here it is is very very quiet, hidden in scones and served with clotted cream.(Although the current brand of conservatism has significantly lowered the bar of common decency… I’m so many ways, they have made England un-English. Their flag waving means nothing. 

irony

I think that the biggest irony is that the country that invented and shaped modernity as we know it (mass production, consumerism, banking, etc,) may be the first domino to fall in the so called west, which is rapidly losing its dominance in the world to China and other parts of the world that are emerging as new powers able to rival the west for the first time since the 16th century… most people are either totally unaware or refuse to see the obvious - the west has created a world which it can no longer manage. The appalling inequality based on centuries of colonisation, is too easy to see. I think the rest of the world wants to settle old scores, not necessarily by seeking revenge but by insisting on rebalancing wealth and influence. There is nothing ‘we’ can do about it a# we have neither the means or the moral justification to do so. 

myths, tales and folklore 

Like any other country, England is full of it. Most probably it has more that it is good for her. These myths, tales and beliefs she needs to tell herself so that she can feel special. Most countries do. (Albanians also think we are the best nation in the universe)... in three words, NATIONS ARE LIARS. The lies they tell themselves, are the most dangerous ones... and England is full of it, as is Albania, Serbia, Russia... (but England is exceptionally good at this) 

MAIN MYTHS, TALES AND BELIEFS 

1. I am free 

2. We won the war 

3. We invented everything 

4. Everyone wants to live in England 

5. We had a great benevolent empire that binds us together with a great commonwealth of peoples 

6. We are rich 

7. We have justice 

8. We have democracy 

9. We have property 

10. We have FairPlay (prubably the grandest delusion) 

11. We have equality (hmm) 

12. We are better than the French 

13. We are better than Americans (kinda true. They're an easy target to meet) 

14. We are better than Germans (especially them) 

15. We liberated Europe 

16. We can trace our culture to Roman Britain 

17. We have the best asparagus (and other things green vegetables , which are always the best. Working on grapes.) 

18. My home is my castle (not to do with buildings, which are generally small and poorly built. The castle is a metaphorical one)

19. We have the most glorious monarchy and accompanying pantomime, sorry, pomp and ceremony. 

20. The Queen is a lizard (strangely enough, some people do believe this) 

21. We have best costume dramas in the universe 

22. We have best universities in the universe and beyond 

… it’s always best this, best that… (always implied, if speaking to a foreigner. Brits only say they are the best to each other as a reaffirming ritual when no one else is listening). 

Humour, however,, probably IS the best. It must be said. Ok, maybe  music too… literature is also great. Or maybe it was. Not quite sure on this. England is a great country with many great things and that should be fine. Why obsesses with being the best, which is non-definable in most cases… how CAN 60+ million people be the best in anything? There is no ‘we’ … different people are better at different things. No nation can or should be ‘better’ than the another nation. Humanity needs to understand this very basic idea. 

In due course, I shall demystify all the fantastical beliefs. Please bear with me 

Regardless of my frustration and disappointments with the direction England seems to be taking, there is no doubt I have a very strong bond with this country that is very unique and dear to me. I am still very defensive if a foreigner says something rude about this chosen homeland on mine. Then I go in a tirade criticising all kinds of ‘English’ things..  It is quite bizarre…  one thing I know is that criticism does not come from a position of hate. I could never hate England (or any other country) but especially England. She feels like a girlfriend I will never be able to leave completely. One of those exes you always text about silly things.. not knowing quite why their opinion still matters. 

I can talk about England when I am abroad for ever in a Yorkshire voice. Ben from Scunthorpe as a silly act I think must be entertaining for the poor sods who have to listen to a fake Scunnyprick. . Fuck knows why. 😂😂😂 My friend Dave can confirm this madness. 

british press 

The press is the stain in the soul of UK. No other country that claims to be civilised has such nasty rags spewing unimaginable lies, fabrications and prejudice. I struggle to understand why people buy such rubbish that only exists to self perpetuate by selling papers to make money for owners/shareholders... truth and decency don"t come into it; it's pure business on the expense of the nation's sanity. 

This, of course, is done in the name of freedom of speech, which appears to be a guarantee to stir the lowest of human instincts.  

The main rags: 

1. Daily Telegraph (pretends to be a serious broadsheet but is, in fact p, a political pamphlet for cowboy capitalism) 

2. The Daily Mail (the nastiest of them all because it hides behind a semi veneer of respectability, aiming for the leafy suburbs of curtain twitchers)

3. The Sun (Murdoch's cheap rag that spreads hate, lies and fear, as do the others, but they have perfected their particular style of bile) 

4. Daily Express (probably not worth my breath. A truly despicable rag of rags)  

Journalism in UK is generally quite appalling. Even the quasi left press fails to challenge the post imperial status quo, which guarantees the nation's excellence in every possible kind of shit it produces, including joursaliam. Often, it is infuriating how they fail to ask the right/obvious/difficult questions as if it was some kind of a gentlemen's agreements not to stir things up to much. Another trait of British journalism is to let the interviewee get away with not answering the question.

The formula works like this: journo asks a question for the first time - the subject ignores it completely and repeats a prepared piece; the journo asks the second time and the same scenario is repeated with another prepared sloganish piece of bullshit, the journo tries to rephrase the question, the subject reverts to the first statement... the earpiece man tells the journo they ran out of time, they thank each other and move on to the next bit of correographed piece. At no point does anyone say or apologise to the incensed viewers, who are, at best, left baffled but mostly furious. This goes back again to the rule number one: avoid confrontation at all cost because someone will get upset. Go away and mutter instead. Healthy. 

There are exceptions, of course. Channel Four News  is the last beacon of hope in an island shrouded in self adoration. Private Eye is beyond beacon. It should be declared a religion. 

James O'Brien is excellent. He has maintained my sanity by confirming what I thought what was going on.

I miss Jon Snow. I don't miss Jeremy Paxman 

second disappointment 

Euro Cup 96. We are watching the semi final between England v Germany at the Coach and Horses. As we know, England lost. Everyone is upset. Me included. This is the time when I embraced everything in my chosen country. I idealised it…. A guy comes up to me and says: ‘Mate, shall we go out and smash some BMWs?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing… what kind of silly logic was this?? I declined. 

Then thought that even in my 'uncivilised country' people wouldn’t do this… for a very split second, I thought we may be more civilised but quickly perished the thought.  This was England, after all.. 

One of my good friends at the time was a guy from Switzerland working as a barman at the Coach. He had so much abuse that day for being ‘German’… he could not understand why an Albanian\Kosovan would be so upset and couldn’t see the reality of it. I will have to apologise to him 26 years later. 

holy grail 

the man who knew too much 

Is a must watch for anyone who has any delusions about Britain and its institutions. Most people are too busy shopping or watching period costume dramas to bother with what lies beneath of it all. Most people genuinely believe they are blessed to live in a country where there is justice and accountability, which in some ways it is until you touch upon the dark corridors of the state, especially the MI5 and MI6… I believe most people would be genuinely shocked to learn about the dirty games that keeps the cogs running … you may think it’s surprising how people don’t ask a very simple question - how is it possible for a relatively small island to run the biggest empire ever? By playing fair & square. Right… then again, this is not surprising at all, Humans are best known for avoiding the very difficult questions. Knowing isn’t always very helpful. Believing in our ‘national stories’ is much preferred regardless of blatant evidence that it is not true. Brits are no different. Both MI5 and MI6 know this… and carry on. Now, where’s that kettle? ;) 

laundromat

opera is posh. know your place